Lanterns in the Dark: Finding Yourself When Navigating Shadows

I don’t claim to have telepathy, but I’d bet good money predicting some of the thoughts that can show up for a new client who is still processing and learning what to expect from therapy in their first appointment. Many of my clients have the same automatic defenses surface the moment we wade into emotions or family history. If those defenses had a voice, they might sound something like: " Okay, is that a compliment or just a superficial ploy to inflate my ego?", " Are you just going to nod along and agree with me?" - or sometimes even - "if we talk about the highs and lows with my upbringing, are you just going to make me out to be a victim?"

My clients carry a lot of integrity. They’re remarkably good at holding nuance when seeing the complexity in the people they love and resisting easy and overly simplified narratives of blame. It’s one of the most beautiful parts of their character and in their humanity.

And in therapy, that integrity becomes leveraged as a strength. It’s what allows them to explore mental health without reducing anyone, including themselves, to villains.

Still, sometimes we have to look at tough emotions, intergenerational wounds, or systemic pressures that have shaped unhealthy beliefs. Sometimes we need to support the release of long-suppressed feelings—the backlog that, left unexamined, has quietly fueled anxiety, irritability, shame, or physical strain.

Therapy isn’t about wallowing, gossiping, or indulging resentment. It’s about something much more meaningful. Emotional processing is the practice of finding your way back to the truth of who you are. It’s learning to navigate thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that once obscured that truth, and to create new paradigm shifts with those data points. It's also about becoming situated or anchored in the truth of your authentic identity. In large part, this can sometimes lead to you acknowledging or defining areas for growth and responsibility, but it also involves areas of opportunity where you might be engaged in self-neglect or avoidance that can allow you to heal.

There is no magical antidote or cure to instantly heal, but there is something even better: learning the truth about who you are with integrity, honesty, responsibility, and compassion.

Okay, that's sounds all well and good, but what's the point of processing emotions and going through the nitty-gritty?

Emotions can be blocked by walls like self-judgment, repression, numbness, and rationalization or intellectualization (not all bad! just only if overused!). When emotions aren't expressed or processed, they don’t disappear — they find other ways of showing up as secondary mental health symptoms that can show up as physical and/or emotional symptoms, often without us realizing they’re connected.

Some of these symptoms can manifest as:

Emotional blunting, or dulled emotions, can cause joy, excitement, or even sadness to become less evident. For some, life can feel like it's less colorful or vibrant.

Inner conflict and self-doubt: Because your inner world isn’t being fully processed and understood, your thoughts and feelings can feel out of sync. This misalignment often fuels chronic second-guessing and difficulty trusting yourself.

Heightened anxiety or irritability: Suppressed emotions build pressure. Over time, this can show up as restlessness, overthinking, or being quick to snap in ways that feel uncharacteristic. 

Ruminating and negative inner dialogue: When emotions are repressed, the mind often takes over, circling endlessly around worries, criticisms, or “what ifs.” This inner chatter may feel punishing or relentless, as though the mind is trying to process what the heart has been asked to hold back. 

Disconnection in relationships: When feelings are unspoken, closeness and authenticity with others can be harder to maintain, leaving a sense of loneliness even in company.

Caretaker fatigue: For people who fear being “unkind” or resentful, repressing anger or frustration may preserve harmony in the short term, but often leaves them exhausted, invisible, or carrying silent resentment.

Physical strain: Tension in the body, headaches, stomach upset, fatigue, or a sense of carrying “weight” you can’t quite name.

But if I release stored tension, how does that not make it unlikely that I won't become a resentful or bitter person?

I hear you - the last thing I want is resentment creating more division in our society and in your relationships. Processing and learning about your emotions is not about indulging in resentment or engaging in petty gossip or self-victimization. Therapy would not be the most ethical space for growth if that was the case. 

Therapy is supposed to allow emotions to be navigated responsibly, rather than stored away to resurface later as resentment. When feelings are released, processed, and explored with support, they can be understood more deeply and paired with intention and integrity. 

With practice and guidance, releasing emotions becomes a skill —one that leads to greater stability, not less. Your emotions are not dangerous. They are signals and guides, not threats. By allowing them to be felt, expressed, and integrated—while also using supportive techniques to stay grounded—you create a pathway to: more peace of mind, healthier stress levels and a stronger, more trusting relationship with yourself.

Your cerebral and intellectual insight is a powerful tool, but it’s not meant to replace feeling. When the two work together—emotions acknowledged, thoughts clarified—you experience greater resilience and wholeness. 

Guard rails are provided in therapy to ensure that your emotions are explored with intention. This ensures they’re used for growth and understanding, not as weapons against yourself or others. 

Think of it this way: your emotions are signals, not traps. Exploring them doesn’t lock you into victimhood—it gives you the tools to move through challenges with integrity and resilience.

Hmmmm okay .. what positive outcomes could I expect?

This really depends more specifically on what brings you to therapy, but generally, some positive outcomes can include the ability to experience:

Internal validation:

When emotions are ignored or overly rationalized, it can feel like l ife is happening on autopilot — as if you’re moving through the motions but not fully connected existentially to the truth of who you are. You might be stuck seeking validation to manage feelings of emptiness or unexplained low self-esteem. Processing emotions helps reverse that pattern by deepening clarity and strengthening trust in yourself.

Existential Clarity 

Emotions are not random; they’re signals pointing toward your values, boundaries, and deepest needs. For instance, in some cases, grief can highlight what matters most to you, anger can show you where your limits have been crossed, and joy reveals what brings meaning. When you allow yourself to feel, you gain clearer insight into what you truly care about. This provides a sense of orientation — a “compass” for your choices — and reduces the emptiness or confusion that can come from living only in the head. Your emotions become a starting point for defining the way you treat yourself and respect yourself + self-define who you are. 

Self-Trust 

Feeling and expressing emotions as they arise prevents them from stockpiling until they spill over or cause you to shut down with worsened symptoms like chronic shame, ruminating, or avoidance. Processing is prevention. By moving through feelings in real time, you protect yourself from the emotional “backlog” that leads to overload or dysregulation, and when you can manage your emotions with less intensity or decreased symptoms you're able to trust yourself more. Over time, this builds confidence that you don’t need to avoid, minimize, or second-guess what you feel. Instead, you begin to experience emotions as trustworthy rather than as threats. This strengthens the bond between your inner experiences and your decisions, creating consistency and reducing chronic self-doubt.

So in conclusion, no ulterior motives to turn you into a mean, judgey, gossip queen (or king), just acceptance for all the emotions so that we can chip away at your backlog and find out the truth of who you are together :)