As you journey through your first pregnancy, it may feel like standing on the edge of a cliff. You're keenly aware that your life is on the brink of a seismic shift, yet the specifics remain elusive.
Advice comes at you from all angles. There are frantic warnings from fellow new parents, eager to prepare you for the plunge into the unknown. Then there are the seasoned baby boomer and Generation X mothers, their memories fading into a comforting haze as they offer reassurance without recent data to support their claims.
While you may prefer to cling to the wisdom of experienced parents, there's a subconscious recognition that denying the uncertainty ahead might not facilitate an easy transition. Perhaps in a quest for clarity, you find comfort in scrolling through social media feeds, seeking tangible glimpses of the new life that may await you. You might even breathe a tentative sigh of relief, convinced that motherhood is merely about purchasing everything on a baby list.
But let's be real - certainty about the future is a luxury none of us possess. Each journey into motherhood is unique, and shaped by our individual privileges and experiences. LGBTQ+ parents, adoptive parents, single mothers, Indigenous mothers, parents on the spectrum, coparents, low-income parents, disabled parents - the list goes on. Each parent’s range of privilege determines their narrative.
Regardless of gender identity, postpartum depression and anxiety can affect anyone. So how can you prepare?
Invest in your mental health during pregnancy and postpartum. Understand your unique needs and craft a narrative that celebrates and copes with the new chapter in your life. Learning about your individual experience empowers you to navigate it.
In the meantime, consider setting self-relational boundaries. Put yourself and your family first. Whether you welcome guests or prioritize solitude, your needs are valid. If anyone accuses you of selfishness, establish boundaries to protect your space until they're ready to respect your needs.
Seek equality in parental roles. Encourage your partner to share decision-making responsibilities, from meal planning to weekend outings. If they feel uncertain, remind them that organizational skills are learned and mistakes are part of the process.
If conflicts arise over parenting strategies, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist. Healthy expectations that prioritize every family member's well-being can be established with professional support.
Above all, remember you're not alone. For all diverse mothers and parents resources are available. Support and solidarity can always be found throughout your process of learning who you are as a mother and parent.
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